Do You Wanna Have Kids or Nah?

For as long as I could remember, I have never wanted children. I didn't even like kids when I was a kid. But now, I'm at that age where getting married and having children is something I need to do before I *shock horror* turn into a childless spinster. Apparently, if you are not shooting them out like a fucking log-flume, you have nothing else to live for. 

Going by what I have learnt in history classes, I am proud to say that humanity has progressed well over the years. Women can now vote and get treated like people instead of possessions, people of colour can proudly live their lives without being ostracised, the LGBT community have all the rights they deserve, its 2015 and things are going pretty well..... yet I am fucking Satan because I don't want to push a 9 pound brat out of my vagina?? I thought as a species we had moved passed all that. Women have not been put on this planet for procreation, that is not our sole purpose. Why can't other people realise that. The mindless, robots spit out spiel on a daily basis, questioning and belittling me because of my choices. It's borderline peer pressure. 

I personally find that completely disrespectful. I am entitled to life my life however the hell I want, and I choose to do it alone.

I have heard all the bullshit, I've listened to all the speeches given, and I've given my opinion, it just fell on deaf ears. So, the next person to harass me regarding MY choices, I'm going to direct them to this post. It's a collection of all the beautiful questions and opinions I have had to deal with over the years.

(disclaimer, if you have kids, congrats. I'm really happy for you, if that is the choice you made. I do not push my opinion onto others, I'm just reacting to people pushing theirs onto me)

(second disclaimer, I have been told that this rant is a bit 'too rude' and although I apologise if it offends, I stand by my words. I take offence when people hound me regarding my choices because they can get rather disrespectful, yet I'm not allowed to state my opinion?? These are things that have been boiling up inside for ages. I don't get this rude when questioned, I just roll my eyes and ignore them. Just fyi)

You''ll change your mind when you're older.... I heard this one last week. I'm 32. I feel the same way now as I did when I was 18. How much older do you think I'll get before I change my mind? Because I plan to die before that! I know my mind, not you, so don't try and tell me shit because you don't have a clue. For all you know, my dislike for children could get worse as I age.

What will you do with your life?.... Work, travel, live... Who knows, there is an abundance of life experiences out there for me to have. I could travel the world or take the business world by storm. Lives don't end just because you don't have kids. If anything, lives end when you DO have kids. My sister wanted to be a fire-fighter, but that dream ended once she had my niece. 

You're too young to make these decisions..... Again, I'm thirty fucking two! If I had followed the footsteps of the girls in my high school, I'd have a 16-18 year old right now. I'm old enough to buy a house, drive a car, get married, vote.... I'm sure as hell old enough to decided what I want to do with my life. 

You're being selfish.... I'M being selfish?? This world is overcrowded and underfunded yet I'M being selfish because I don't want to create more unwanted mouths to feed and minds to educate? Go fuck yourself.

You're motherly instinct will kick in.... I'm pretty sure I have no motherly instinct. Apparently when a child cries, a woman is supposed to have this uncontrollable need to comfort and nurture. All I feel is contempt and frustration. 

You'll end up alone/ lonely..... I love this one, my family say it a lot. Apparently if you do not have children by the time you reach a certain age you suddenly become invisible. No-one else can see you and all knowledge of you is erased from their minds forever................. please! I have a family and I have friends, however if they abandon me because of my non having children ways, I like my own company too. I'll be fine. 

Kids give your life purpose and fulfil your life.... Because obviously this means if I don't make a person, I mean nothing. Parenthood is not the be all and end all of life, and if you think that way, you are really sad. There is so much in the world to do and experience, if you really think that a child is the only thing that matters, I feel really sorry for you. 

There are people out there who can't have kids, you know.... I don't get this one. What do you mean, I owe them to have kids because they can't? Isn't that kinda rubbing it in their faces? They can have my eggs if they want. I would gladly donate if it would help them. 

Also, just because I have the ability to create life, doesn't mean I HAVE to. There are many things I have the ability to do (rob a bank, kill a person, eat 1000 big macs in a day, jump off the golden gate bridge) doesn't mean I am going to do them too. 

Why don't you adopt?.... If I were to ever have children, I would probably adopt anyway. There are far too many kids out there without families, I would rather help one or two of them than create a mini me. However saying that, adopting does not take away the fact that I do not like kids. Frame it, change the font, add a pretty picture, the sentiment is the same. Not interested.

You'll change your mind when you meet the right guy.... There is a rumour going around that women can make life decisions regardless of other people in their lives. I think it might be true. Also, what makes anyone so sure I'll meet the right 'guy'?? Whatever the case, I hope whoever I meet, they respect me for who I am and what I choose.  

You'll feel different when it's your own kids.... Maybe, but considering I'm not having any, I don't see how you can know that. And having kids isn't like accidentally having a beer during a dry week. It's a full on life and body commitment, so I don't see myself ever getting to the point to put that theory to practice.

You don't know what love is until you hold a child in your arms.... I've held a pizza in my arms, and it felt pretty fucking good. If it's the same, sign me up, but I know it isn't. I've held newborns. There was love, of course, but not an undying love that changed my life. More of a.... "when this kid is older, I'm going to introduce them to all the horrors!!" I have my nieces and nephews in my life, I do not need a person of my own. 

Aren't you worried about not being looked after when you are old?.... Oh, so THAT'S why you have kids? To dump on them when you are too old and frail to wipe your own arse? When I'm older, I'm sure I will still have family to support me. And if I don't, just stick me in a care home. I don't give two shits. I'll be fucking senile by then. Just tell me I was the lost member of The Nolans and leave me be. 

So you hate all children then?.... As a matter of fact, no. I love some children. I love my family. My nieces and nephews mean the world to me. I may not show it all the time because I'm not exactly kid friendly, but it's true. And they adore me. I'm their Cool Aunt Becky. It's the best role because I can do it well. But those noisy fucking shits that scream in public........ yeah, I hate them. And they know it because they avoid me. 

Children make a house a home... If by home you mean a complete bomb-site with fingerprints and scuff marks everywhere. Yay. I like things clean and tidy, to OCD levels. Children and OCDs never mix. 

What about your parents? Don't you think they deserve grandchildren?.... They have them. I guess I am lucky because I have three sisters that are buffers for me. I am not the only one, so I do not have to 'carry on the family name', but even if I didn't, I wouldn't care. It is wrong to expect someone to do something so life changing just for you, and I know my parents are not like that. They respect me and my choice, at times. I may get the odd "hmm" but they don't hassle me like others do. Which is why I love them so. 

You know it's not just what YOU want, men have choices too.... Little secret, there are men out there who don't want kids either. If I was dating someone and it got serious, I would lay all my cards on the table. I wouldn't lead a guy on, with the promise of a child in the future. I'd be completely honest. 

Don't you want to leave behind a legacy.... That's what this blog is for. 

I think you'd make a great mother.... How the fuck would you know? I might turn into the bitch who locks their kids under the stairs at night. You don't know for a fact I would be any good, so why say it? Don't assume I'm a good person. You don't know what someone is capable of until they do it. 

If you leave it too long, you'll dry up.... These people need stabbing in the fucking face! A, that is just disgusting to say to a person, B, I could adopt if I ever changed my mind and C, go sit on a broken blender.

Labour isn't THAT bad.... It's not just the labour, however I know for a damn fact it can be fucking traumatising. It's everything you put your body though, and your life. The pregnancy, the aches and pains, the weight gain, the discomfort, the agony, the tearing, the stretching, the bleeding, more discomfort, the sleepless nights, the epic after pregnancy period, and then your life is nothing more than doting on this new person. Your life becomes a footnote, you are now a carer, you no longer exist. You are mum. 

Now I have got that off my chest I will end this with one favour. Do not pity me, or I'll pity you. I'll pity the fact that you are so narrow minded that you cannot see for a second that people are allowed to have other opinions and make other choices.

Things Kids Can do That Adults Can't

During the tube strike last month I had to endure a ghastly bus journey to get me to work. It was horrid. I was sat beside a mother and her son (her husband and daughter were on the seats on the other side). They were a nice Scottish family who had decided to take a nice vacation into London....... stupid, stupid idea.

When they first settled I tried to be polite and offered my seat up so the son could sit but the mother declined and plopped the boy right on her lap. After about five minutes the kids started "mum, I want to sit down... make her move... I'm tired... mover her... I want to look out the window... make her move..." and basically being a rude little shit. I asked the mother if she wanted me to move but again, she politely declined. Yet she didn't shut her son up.

Now, for people who have kids they can shrug it off and say 'kids just do that' but personally it really pisses me off. I mean, how rude is that? If I did the same thing people wouldn't accept it and would tell me to stop. And that's when I started to think, why can kids get away with that kind of behaviour? Isn't it something you should nip in the bud quickly to prevent your kids growing up to be a shit? This kid was far too old to be acting like that. 

Part of me wants to start doing kid-esque things in public just to see how understanding and considerate others would be towards me..... I bet they wouldn't. Now, I know full well that when I was younger that I did all these things (that are listed below) when I was younger. My mum loves pointing these out. Apparently I was a fucking idiot when I was a kid. This is something I struggle to deal with, as I hate kids but for things I put my own mother through. I am a walking, talking psych case. 

Anyways, back to my list. These are things that kids are allowed to do that adults are not. I personally think we should be allowed to, because if a child sees and adult being stupid it may make them reconsider their own behaviour.


Say Exactly Whats On Their Mind
If I was ever in the middle of a conversation and I lost interest, I still have to endure the rest of the conversation because society dictates that as the norm. Announcing "I'm bored now" and just walking off is not proper decorum.

If I was bought a present and I didn't like it, I couldn't pass it back and declare "I don't like it" because that would hurt the persons feelings.

If I went into a public toilet and someone had clearly just been and it was pungent, I'm not allowed to shout "it stinks in here" because the other women would feel embarrassed. 

Fall Asleep Anywhere
I was on a bus once and the kid sitting next to me fell asleep and landed on my lap. I turned to his mother expecting her to lift him off but instead she gave me a "aww, look at him all tuckered out" look and smiled. How is this acceptable? If I fell asleep in her kids lap I'd get arrested, yet he could do what he wanted? And when I asked the mother (politely) to move her child she glared at me like I was the bad guy. I couldn't quite get my head around it.

I miss the days when I was young where I'd fall asleep in the car and wake up in bed. I can't do that now. It's not fair. 

Kick People
A few years ago, at my sisters wedding, my nephew was going through a bit of a phase and throughout the whole reception he kept kicking me. Under the table, on the dance floor, a quick boot to the shin. It was really irritating. I told his mum (my other sister) what was happening but because she didn't see it she couldn't tell him off. So I decided to. He gave me one final boot and I flipped, and called him a jerk. To be fair, considering my expansive vulgar language fluency everyone should be grateful I didn't say anything worse. However just saying jerk really pissed everyone else off. I get that he was just a kid but I had enough. If I went round kicking people I'd get punched in the face.

Cry
This one you can get away with but you would be considered mentally unstable. I really wish I could just stay at home watching Netflix all day, but I can't cry and snot to get my own way, so why should kids? This is something that really needs to be stopped quickly because its rather dickish behaviour. I see kids every day bawling their eyes out over tiny, stupid things. I know I can cry at times just because I forgot something or dropped something, but that is usually due to a buildup of emotion. I don't cry hourly over stupid shit.
 
Pee Their Pants
This one is a little different because little kids have little bladders and sometimes you just can't help the fact that a kid pees, it's just the acceptance I don't think is fair. If I was to ever piss my drawers I would be laughed at and teased for the rest of my life, but apparently you can't do the same to kids because its 'damaging'. I always make it to the toilet in time, I understand the feeling of needing to go and and I have a large, strong bladder, so if any slipped out it'd be down to an illness or something. 

I know a lot of adults who have peed their pants, but that has just been due to sever inebriation, that doesn't count.

Along with this, peeing the bed is widely accepted with children because it's like a right of passage. They can't tell they need to go until... whoops, they went. But the acceptance stops when you reach a certain age, usually around the 7-10 mark. 

I can't tell you the amount of times I've gone to the toilet in my dream and then *just* woke up in time just as I was about to release. But I can't admit that out loud because the teasing would start.
 
Throw Tantrums and Act the Prat
Sometimes I really REALLY want chocolate, but I don't have the money for it. I wish I could throw myself on the floor, kicking and screaming until my mum turns up and buys it for me. But she never does, because I am old enough to know how fucking rude tantrum throwing is. When I used to work in HMV I ran the Children's section for a while and the amount of times I saw kids screaming like banshees because they wanted a DVD, throwing all the stock around because they couldn't get their own way.... its one of the reasons I hate kids as much as I do. Asshole behaviour.

Sit With Their Legs Wide Open, Flashing Knickers.
This one REALLY bugs me. Why can't parents teach young girls early how to sit like a human. This whole spread eagle stuff is gross, especially considering all the dangers there are in the world, and all the pervs who stare, you would try and do your best to avoid it all. This isn't me saying if a kid sits spread eagle they deserve the attention, I'm just saying its best to avoid it.

Be Fucking Gross. 
Picking noses and wiping it places, digging and scratching places without any dignity.... it's gross. I feel physically sick just thinking of it. I know a lot of adults who still do this, and I hate them for it. I remember a few years ago seeing a girl literally digging her asshole on a packed bus. And the mother didn't even stop her. I mean, that is just wrong on a million levels.

Inside Out

Okay..... this is going to be really difficult. I want to write a little 'review' (more of a rant than a review to be fair) but I don't want to swear throughout because this is actually regarding a topic that is important to me and I don't want to come across bitter and negative (even thou I am). I'm not eloquent enough to explain my feelings without losing my temper. 

It's also hard because I adore literally all Disney movies, especially Pixar. My security blanket movie is Finding Nemo.

But I swear, I must be the only person to really hate this movie. 

For those of you who have yet to see it, the story revolves around Riley, an 11 year old girl from Minnesota whole life gets turned upside down when her parents uproot her and move to San Francisco. We basically watch everything happen through the reactions of her five core emotions (joy, anger, fear, disgust and sadness) and we watch how they help guide her through the difficult life-changing event. Sounds like a brilliant idea for a movie and a clever way to introduce children to emotions and help them understand how and why some people struggle more.

I personally just think it failed with its execution. Had it been written and produced correctly I think it would have been the perfect platform to discuss how depression can effect people. 

Years ago, depression and mental problems were nothing but whispers and nobody listened. But over the past few years people have been speaking up and sharing their struggles, and it has helped others realise the seriousness of the situation. And this film as I said, would be a good way to even help children get a basic understanding. Riley's behaviour considering the circumstances is textbook signs of depression. If you have seen the film you will know what I'm talking about.

The problem I had with it was it was clearly written by someone who has never experienced depression for themselves. And as I have, I felt rather let down by its dreadful stereotyping.

Not all depressed people are sad. We don't all cry every day. Crying does not help us feel better. Personally, when I'm feeling depressed I can't describe how I'm feeling, but I know it isn't sadness. It is a multitude of emotions, all clambering to the forefront of the brain. Someone on Tumblr covered it perfectly with this doodle...

I know I'm probably over-analysing and dissecting the movie too much, but personally I feel that the writers have portrayed emotional 'sad' people as nothing more than a bunch of irritating cry babies. Which is completely inaccurate.

I don't have an issue with the Riley character, or even four of the emotions.... It's Sadness that really wound me up. When I'm 'sad' I go for a walk to clear my head, I speak to my family and they help me discuss my feelings. I sure as hell don't flop to the floor and cry like a bitch. There was one quote that really bugged me, when Sadness said "crying helps me slow down and obsess over the weight of life's problems"

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??!!

All the progress that has been made on the subject of emotional disorders and THIS is what Disney felt is appropriate to say. What a crock of sh--- poop! This is clearly going to damage the progression of depression awareness especially for children as they are just going to see sad people as criers who lay on the floor and sulk all the time. Which is not true. Personally, I cry when I'm angry, hungry, tired and happy. But rarely when I'm sad.

A friend said to me that maybe Disney probably just went basic to avoid any confusion for children, as the complexity of emotions is somewhat difficult to grasp at such a young age. But in dumbing down the content, it essentially branded sadness as negative and irritating. This is not the message we should be delivering to little kids.

So, I've ranted. And.......... breathe.

Thanks for listening.

Periods 2, Electric Boogaloo.

(I had this one in my drafts for a while now as I was seeking input on menstruation after menopause, but instead I've just decided to post it as it)

I've have had so much input regarding periods that I needed a part two. I'll try not to be too gross this time.
 
With the last post I covered the struggles through a regular period, but now I will be covering a few other issues. I was planning on writing about what periods are like during and after the menopause but I didn't get much input regarding that. I did however get a lot of info on pregnancy periods.... I thought what I went through was bad, but after having a chat with a few friends and family I realised that I was even more naive that I thought. I have it pretty easy. There is a whole new level of horror out there. 

After pregnancy periods

Obviously, this was something that didn't cross my mind because I don't have kids or even plan on having them, but apparently the periods you get after having a baby get much worse. They are heavier, more painful and can last much longer. I googled a little and read that some women can bleed constantly for over a month after having a child. YIKES! 

One friend confessed that before falling pregnant she had difficult periods but once her baby was born it got a hell of a lot worse. She went through 21 sanitary pads in one day. (My average is four a day. So that is terrifying.) Her description of the pain is "like there was a team of people inside her, ripping and chewing their way through the womb, trying to get out". And she said it took a year for them to get back to 'normal'.  

The many misconceptions people have regarding falling pregnant and having children is shocking. People believe that once a girl is pregnant, she won't have a period. This is completely false. Some women still continue to bleed, and can do for the entirety of the pregnancy. I myself have been rather deluded for quite some time. I believed that it wouldn't take long for your body to recover from pregnancy and labour, obviously I'm wrong. It really makes me think, if I consider the amount of women who get knocked up again almost immediately after having a baby, that's not even given the body a chance to get back to normal. 

Also, I was informed that after you have a child, during your first period you probably won't be able to use tampons for a while because they won't stay in due to the stretching. One friend even confessed that she has to go back to the hospital because they didn't stitch her up properly after her perineum tore and she hardly has any skin between the base of her vagina and her anus anymore. 

Mens reaction to periods

This is something bugs the shit out of me. Growing up around guys (at school, in college and at work) they used to treat any girl on their period like a leper. I get that they are just reacting to something they don't have experience with and don't understand, but its the equivalent of us judging them on morning wood and wet dreams. Its completely natural.

And it's not dirty either. The blood that comes out every month is not gross, coagulated blood. I think the stigma with periods is because everyone assumes stuff that comes out of a body is technically waste, period blood gets tarnished with the same brush. 

I'm lucky as I have not had to deal with pig headed guys, but I have heard stories from friends that their male partners have outright refused to purchase anything for them to assist with that time of the month. Some have even gone as far as not allowing the products in their shopping trolleys. The worst story I have been told is that one of my female friends had to sleep on the sofa every month, because her boyfriend feared that she would 'bleed on him in the night'.Thankfully she dumped the shit not soon after.

This is the bullshit some women have to deal with. It's not fair. 

I know not all men are like that, in fact some are really supportive. My ex housemate would always buy me chocolate. He could just tell I needed it.

Birth Control.

Monthly pills, injections, rods.... can sometimes be a blessing, as they help regulate and shorten periods, but can also assist in easing the cramps too. However, they don't work for everyone. 

I have spent years trying various different contraceptive, not just to avoid pregnancy but to help regulate myself, but all my experiences have been horrible. I spent most of my teens and early twenties on Microgynon but that made me bloated and spotty, so I changed to a progesterone-only pill or 'the mini pill' which was great for a while but eventually destroyed my sex drive and gave me migraines. I stopped taking anything for a while but my periods became so erratic I needed to get better control of them, so my doctor put me on Yasmin. This made my breasts get bigger but also made me extremely aggressive, so i had to stop. Last year I thought I'd try going on the Depo Injection (the three month jab) to get rid of my periods altogether, but after one injection I went up three dress sizes, and that freaked me out. I struggle with my weight as it is, I didn't need anything more to cause issues. 

So if you do decide to go on any form of medication to assist, do some research and be prepared for some negative side effects. 

Menstrual Cramps are the Worst. Period.

In one of my last posts (Facts About Women) I explained the awkwardness of an early period and how they ruin literally everything nice we own, but that is really just the tip of the iceberg. 

And I have recently just come on (I know, over share, deal with it) and I want sympathy. So I'm going to go into a lot more detail with this. If you don't like the subject of periods, don't read on.  

For anyone with a uterus, you will know the bane of period pains. They are horrendous.The problem is, because certain people suffer from certain pains, they are not taking as seriously as they should. I cant tell you the amount of times I have been told "It can't be that bad" or "you're not the only girl who has cramps" - and I am here to tell you... IT IS THAT BAD! 

When I was younger, I had nothing, and I was so arrogant about it. But then when I hit 24 my body betrayed me and now I get the most crippling pains ever. It's horrible. Tumblr put it beautifully when they said Joffrey Baratheon from Games of Thrones is like the human representation of what period cramps are. I don't even watch that show but I know that character was a right wanker. 

The thing with periods is we never get a minute off. Between the pre-period cramps, the period itself, the aftermath and then when ovulation starts... its just a vicious cycle. The average cycle is between 21 and 35 days, if you are unlucky like me you'll have a 21 day cycle. I get only roughly 21 days between the end of one and the beginning of another. Which means I can sometimes have two periods a month..... and people wonder why I'm so angry all the time.

Something that people don't actually realise is when you have a period the reason your lower back hurts as much is because your hips are contracting and are spreading apart fractionally to help release the blood and push the dead lining of the uterus out. So technically every period is like a mini labour. A tiny one. 

However, back pain is not the only issue. This is all the shit women have to deal with every single month...

- Back Pain... this literally feels like some fat bastard is stamping on me. The pain spreads all the way up my back at times, even up between the shoulder blades. 

- Shooting pain up the rectum... it feels like a knife is being shoved up there. Seriously. They are so powerful I have been knocked off a chair once or twice. I had to investigate these because they freaked me out so much, but apparently its just a muscle spasm. But as quickly as they hit, they're gone. It's a drive-by butt stabbing.

- Dragging pain down the thighs... it feels like a rake pulling on the inside. Sometimes its in the stomach, sometimes between the legs, but also down the freaking thighs too.

- Lower Stomach Ache... this pretty much feels like some fat twat has set up camp on your stomach, and will not move. Its a tight, tense ache that usually lasts the whole five days.
 
- Diarrhoea... because of all the churning, spasming and cramping, it takes an effect on the bowels too and usually causes issues. My friends call them 'period poos'.

- Gas... we turn into walking fucking whoopee cushions. And because of the bowel issues, they smell. Bad.

-  Spots... whenever I am due on I break out like a 15 year old. It's horrible. 

- Mood Swings... I cry all the time, at everything. I'll want cuddles but at the same time I hate the world and want to smash everyones fucking face in. Like, I need to be looked after but I will fucking stab you if you breath too loud! I want you to cheer me up because I'm sad but then 'why are you fucking talking to me like that? I don't like your tone! You're being so fucking rude!!' ..... 'Becky, I only asked if you wanted more food'.

- General Discomfort... I can never seem to get comfortable. Ever. I fidget a lot when I'm on.  On the sofa, in bed, on the tube, at work, whilst walking. I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin.

- Cravings... I get the urge to eat everything that's in the house, order an abundance of take out and just gorge until I die... that's then followed by the tears and tantrums because I'm a fat c*nt.

- Sore boobs... they ache like fuck!! Seriously. I usually know when I'm due on because they feel like Mike Tyson has clouted them a few hundred times. Like, right now, they are throbbing. I am convinced they are physically throbbing and others can see. Like some kind of cartoon.

- Vomiting... this one is the worst. No matter how much I want to eat, I can guarantee five minutes later I'll want to ralph.

- Migraines... this one is the worst because I work in a highly lit reception area. I suffer really badly with these and they cause such horrid blurred vision and blind spots. 

- Exhaustion... Just imagine doing a double shift at work, then going for a long run, then staying up all night, then going for another loooooong run, then going back to work and not once getting to sit down.... that is how I always feel during my period.

- Leaking in the Bath... yes, that is as gross as it sounds. When the cramps get that bad many girls take to a hot bath to make themselves feel better. But unfortunately, hot water is known for breaking things up, so nine times out of ten a clot will escape and you will end up with a tiny little hijacker floating in your bath.

- Paranoia... periods have a distinct smell. It's not a bad smell or even a good smell. It's just a smell. You can't smell it, but we can. All throughout a period, girls fear that others will be able to smell it. It's horrible. 

Not to mention the constant blood and the fact you have to either shove a cotton bullet up there or walk around with a mattress between your legs. I can't stand tampons. They gross me out. My biggest fear is that I'd sneeze and the fucker would just fly right out. So I have to use pads. 

 

AND... when you think you're all done, you finally risk going pad free... but you weren't done. Not at all.

I genuinely feel like I'm being punished for not getting pregnant. And what makes it harder is I have tried all the monthly pills to help ease things, but they just made me ill. So I have no choice but to surf the crimson wave drug free and deal with the agony. Over the counter drugs don't work. Hot water bottles don't help. It sucks.

The adverts are the worst. Those stupid, happy bitches, running around like everything is fine. Fucking liars. I can guarantee you that not one of those actresses were on during the making of that advert. Girls are never happy during their periods. They just want to cry, eat, fuck, punch and sleep. Make that an advert and maybe I'd believe.

You'd think after almost 19 years of having periods, I'd be used to all this by now. 

Now excuse me for a sec my while I curl up and die.

Proper Public Transport Etiquette

This is going to be a bit of a negative, ranty post, so apologies in advance.

You see, I have been using public transport for years. I've used it to get to school, to college and to work. And I've experienced them all, busses, trains and the tube. 

Unfortunately I have never attempted to learn to drive. Partly because I live in London and I feel driving would be unnecessary, but mainly due to my rage issues. I fear I would run people over or cause crashes just out of spite. Yes, I am that angry at times. 

Currently my journey varies between an hour and a half to two hours, depending on the traffic so I spend almost 10 hours a week travelling. That is approximately 520 hours a year. It's horrid.

During my journey, I like to observe people. I watch how they behave and how they interact with each other. And I have decided to compile a list of... rules on what I consider would be correct public transport etiquette.

----

1. Give up your seat for pregnant ladies, people with children and the elderly. Don’t pretend you can’t see them. That’s just shady. 

2. However just because you’re old or knocked up, do not demand someone give up their seat for you. That is fucking rude. You don’t deserve special treatment, you require it. It is not the law.

3. If it is packed, don’t sit down if you’re only going 3 stops, that’s just lazy. Because when you get up, everyone will be silently judging you. 

4. Don’t leave your bags in the aisle and cause other people to trip over. Who is that fucking stupid?!

5. If you are standing, take your backpack off and put it by your feet. Because one day you may accidentally hit me in the face, and I will ‘accidentally’ hit back. 

6. Don’t take up a seat with your bag. Don’t be THAT guy. Again, put it down by your feet, or keep it on your lap.

7. Move down in the bus; stop congregating by the disabled space.

8. Men, SHUT YOUR GOD DAMNED FUCKING LEGS OR I WILL TIE THEM TOGETHER AND THEN DUMP YOU IN A RIVER!!  

9. Don’t make an excessive amount of noise, be that listening to music out loud, playing a game with the volume on, or practically screaming down the phone. Nobody wants to hear your conversation. Nobody cares!

10. If you want to listen to loud music, invest in some decent headphones. 

11. Keep your bodily functions to yourself, and DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE fart. Sneezing is gross, coughing spreads germs and farting is fucking vile! Especially when it is cold outside so all the windows are shut, because you’re practically trapping everyone in a can of your ass air. 

12. Don’t eat food and then leave the wrappers on the seat. That’s just grim. No-one wants to see your cast off chicken bones or empty coke cans. If you treat busses like a dump, I dread to think what your bedroom looks like. You nasty tramp. 

13. If you are getting off in a few stops and you can see the bus getting really packed, move forward earlier. Otherwise it’ll disrupt the whole bus, everyone will have to wait for your dumb ass to slowly shift down the bus and half the standees will have to get off the bus just to make way for you.

EDIT
I thought of another one... 
14. Parents, keep your children under control and pay attention to them. I hate it when kids are ignored and they end up climbing everywhere. And I really hate having to listen to "mum... mum... mum... mum... mum... mum... mum... mum... mum... mum..." over and over. It makes my left eye twitch. Granted, I don't have children so people will argue "oh, you won't understand until you have kids" and my answer to that is "A, I'm not going to have kids and B, if you didn't want to pay attention to your children, you shouldn't have had them!