Proper Public Transport Etiquette

This is going to be a bit of a negative, ranty post, so apologies in advance.

You see, I have been using public transport for years. I've used it to get to school, to college and to work. And I've experienced them all, busses, trains and the tube. 

Unfortunately I have never attempted to learn to drive. Partly because I live in London and I feel driving would be unnecessary, but mainly due to my rage issues. I fear I would run people over or cause crashes just out of spite. Yes, I am that angry at times. 

Currently my journey varies between an hour and a half to two hours, depending on the traffic so I spend almost 10 hours a week travelling. That is approximately 520 hours a year. It's horrid.

During my journey, I like to observe people. I watch how they behave and how they interact with each other. And I have decided to compile a list of... rules on what I consider would be correct public transport etiquette.

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1. Give up your seat for pregnant ladies, people with children and the elderly. Don’t pretend you can’t see them. That’s just shady. 

2. However just because you’re old or knocked up, do not demand someone give up their seat for you. That is fucking rude. You don’t deserve special treatment, you require it. It is not the law.

3. If it is packed, don’t sit down if you’re only going 3 stops, that’s just lazy. Because when you get up, everyone will be silently judging you. 

4. Don’t leave your bags in the aisle and cause other people to trip over. Who is that fucking stupid?!

5. If you are standing, take your backpack off and put it by your feet. Because one day you may accidentally hit me in the face, and I will ‘accidentally’ hit back. 

6. Don’t take up a seat with your bag. Don’t be THAT guy. Again, put it down by your feet, or keep it on your lap.

7. Move down in the bus; stop congregating by the disabled space.

8. Men, SHUT YOUR GOD DAMNED FUCKING LEGS OR I WILL TIE THEM TOGETHER AND THEN DUMP YOU IN A RIVER!!  

9. Don’t make an excessive amount of noise, be that listening to music out loud, playing a game with the volume on, or practically screaming down the phone. Nobody wants to hear your conversation. Nobody cares!

10. If you want to listen to loud music, invest in some decent headphones. 

11. Keep your bodily functions to yourself, and DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE fart. Sneezing is gross, coughing spreads germs and farting is fucking vile! Especially when it is cold outside so all the windows are shut, because you’re practically trapping everyone in a can of your ass air. 

12. Don’t eat food and then leave the wrappers on the seat. That’s just grim. No-one wants to see your cast off chicken bones or empty coke cans. If you treat busses like a dump, I dread to think what your bedroom looks like. You nasty tramp. 

13. If you are getting off in a few stops and you can see the bus getting really packed, move forward earlier. Otherwise it’ll disrupt the whole bus, everyone will have to wait for your dumb ass to slowly shift down the bus and half the standees will have to get off the bus just to make way for you.

EDIT
I thought of another one... 
14. Parents, keep your children under control and pay attention to them. I hate it when kids are ignored and they end up climbing everywhere. And I really hate having to listen to "mum... mum... mum... mum... mum... mum... mum... mum... mum... mum..." over and over. It makes my left eye twitch. Granted, I don't have children so people will argue "oh, you won't understand until you have kids" and my answer to that is "A, I'm not going to have kids and B, if you didn't want to pay attention to your children, you shouldn't have had them!