Inside Out

Okay..... this is going to be really difficult. I want to write a little 'review' (more of a rant than a review to be fair) but I don't want to swear throughout because this is actually regarding a topic that is important to me and I don't want to come across bitter and negative (even thou I am). I'm not eloquent enough to explain my feelings without losing my temper. 

It's also hard because I adore literally all Disney movies, especially Pixar. My security blanket movie is Finding Nemo.

But I swear, I must be the only person to really hate this movie. 

For those of you who have yet to see it, the story revolves around Riley, an 11 year old girl from Minnesota whole life gets turned upside down when her parents uproot her and move to San Francisco. We basically watch everything happen through the reactions of her five core emotions (joy, anger, fear, disgust and sadness) and we watch how they help guide her through the difficult life-changing event. Sounds like a brilliant idea for a movie and a clever way to introduce children to emotions and help them understand how and why some people struggle more.

I personally just think it failed with its execution. Had it been written and produced correctly I think it would have been the perfect platform to discuss how depression can effect people. 

Years ago, depression and mental problems were nothing but whispers and nobody listened. But over the past few years people have been speaking up and sharing their struggles, and it has helped others realise the seriousness of the situation. And this film as I said, would be a good way to even help children get a basic understanding. Riley's behaviour considering the circumstances is textbook signs of depression. If you have seen the film you will know what I'm talking about.

The problem I had with it was it was clearly written by someone who has never experienced depression for themselves. And as I have, I felt rather let down by its dreadful stereotyping.

Not all depressed people are sad. We don't all cry every day. Crying does not help us feel better. Personally, when I'm feeling depressed I can't describe how I'm feeling, but I know it isn't sadness. It is a multitude of emotions, all clambering to the forefront of the brain. Someone on Tumblr covered it perfectly with this doodle...

I know I'm probably over-analysing and dissecting the movie too much, but personally I feel that the writers have portrayed emotional 'sad' people as nothing more than a bunch of irritating cry babies. Which is completely inaccurate.

I don't have an issue with the Riley character, or even four of the emotions.... It's Sadness that really wound me up. When I'm 'sad' I go for a walk to clear my head, I speak to my family and they help me discuss my feelings. I sure as hell don't flop to the floor and cry like a bitch. There was one quote that really bugged me, when Sadness said "crying helps me slow down and obsess over the weight of life's problems"

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??!!

All the progress that has been made on the subject of emotional disorders and THIS is what Disney felt is appropriate to say. What a crock of sh--- poop! This is clearly going to damage the progression of depression awareness especially for children as they are just going to see sad people as criers who lay on the floor and sulk all the time. Which is not true. Personally, I cry when I'm angry, hungry, tired and happy. But rarely when I'm sad.

A friend said to me that maybe Disney probably just went basic to avoid any confusion for children, as the complexity of emotions is somewhat difficult to grasp at such a young age. But in dumbing down the content, it essentially branded sadness as negative and irritating. This is not the message we should be delivering to little kids.

So, I've ranted. And.......... breathe.

Thanks for listening.

Smile You Son of A Bitch - 40 Years of Jaws

Mr. Vaughn, what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine, an eating machine. It's really a miracle of evolution. All this machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks, and that's all. Now, why don't you take a long, close look at this sign. Those proportions are correct.

Back in the summer of 1975 a movie hit the big screens that terrified the nation. People from far and wide suddenly became too afraid to go to the beach or even go swimming anymore. The fear that lurking in that big blue sea was monster the likes of which had never been seen. A 24ft Great White Shark that was silently gliding, hunting, ready to devour and turn the sea red.......  

Fast forward to 24th August 1990, my 7th birthday. My parents passed me my main present. It was a huge box filled with packing. As I was pulling the stuffing out and getting deeper and deeper into the box I began to wonder... was there anything even in the box? But just as I gave up hope, I pulled out the last piece of packing and lying right there at the bottom were all four Jaws videotapes, staring up at me. This memory will forever be etched in my memory.

You see, I am a huge Jaws fan. Always have been. I vaguely remember watching the Jaws 3 intro when I was really little and freaking out over the half fish in 3D. I think I was about three-ish when I saw that. Once I got over the initial fear, curiosity kicked in. Hence why my parents got me the tapes. I would go as far as saying that gift, the video set, was probably the best gift I have ever received.

It has been 25 years, and I am still in love with this film. It's my number one. The movie is perfection, the novel is exquisite and the soundtrack is breathtaking. I could literally gush about it for hours. I watch the film roughly once a week. I have it on my iPhone so sometimes I watch it whilst travelling to and from work. So, to do the math I have seen it over 2,500 times. I know that sounds a little obsessive, borderline crazy, but you don't understand the bond I have with this film. I hate it when people speak negatively about it, and just the thought of anyone even considering remaking it makes me want to burn the whole world down.

Yeah, I'm obsessed.

And now this film is celebrating it's 40th anniversary. And that to me is insane. It doesn't feel like it's THAT old. I don't feel like I'm old enough to have been religiously watching a film for 25 freaking years...... but apparently it's true.

To celebrate the anniversary of Jaws, this masterpiece is returning to the cinemas. I for one am there with bells on. I had the privilege to watch it on the big screen back in 2010 when the PCC (Prince Charles Cinema) showed it along with Jurassic Park. And I will definitely be going to see it again, but this time I'm taking my mum.

You see, the whole reason I love this movie, the reason the obsession came about was because of her. She watched it in the cinema when it first came out. It was her first date with my biological father. Had she not seen it, I doubt she would have introduced me to it all those years later. 

I'll be honest, I do actually have a couple of issues with the film. The actual shark used on set is almost laughable, but then I can argue that back in the 70s they didn't have the levels of CGI we have today and after watching Sharknado we can all agree, it could have been much worse. The fact that the shark didn't work for most of the filming was clearly a blessing as Spielberg used camera placement instead, which brought an ominous and foreboding element to the film. I actually preferred not seeing 'Bruce' because it let me use my own imagination which is sometimes more fun.

Another issue I have with the movie is the fear mongering. Before the release of Jaws, no-one really gave sharks much thought, then Jaws came out and created this image of an aquatic maniac. With movies like Gremlins, Frankenstein, Dracula... we can laugh it off because those monsters don't actually exist.... but sharks do. Now we perceive them as monsters who lurk just off the coast of any beach, waiting to tear us apart and devour the pieces. Anyone with half a brain can tell you that couldn't be further from the truth. Sharks are harmless. The don't search the sees for droplets of blood, they are inquisitive creatures yeah, but they aren't out to attack. If they ever do it is because that diver in an all black scuba suit resembles a seal from beneath. So if anything, it's our fault for trespassing in their home. We don't belong in the sea. Anyway, back on topic, once Jaws was released, shark hunting became a sport. Macho idiot fishermen took to their boats ready to fight these creatures. And now they are on the endangered species list.

But regardless of any issues I have with the film, the second I hear the intro, I'm glued to the TV. I could watch it again and again. As a matter of fact, I am going to put it on now. It doesn't matter that I know what is going to happen already. It doesn't matter that I know the entire transcript off by heart. It doesn't even matter that I actually watched it whilst getting dressed this morning. It is a wonderful movie and I enjoy it every single time I watch it.

Happy 40th Anniversary Jaws... from a huge fan. 

little dumb side-bar.... You have no idea how difficult it has been for me to name this bloody post. I really wanted to call it "You're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat" because that is the most famous quote of the movie, but I've already used it for a different post. So I started thinking of other ones to use, but that got a little out of hand as I have loads of favourites. So I picked out my ultimate favourites...

Smile You Son of a Bitch

That's Some Bad Hat Harry 

Show Me The Way To Go Home

I Think He's Come Back for His Noon Feeding

My Kids Were on that Beach Too

I Can do Anything, I'm Chief of Police

Amity as you Know Means Friendship

... and messaged everyone I knew to make them choose. 'Smile' won out, and here we are. :)

Will the Real Mr Grey Please Stand Up?

Okay, so this is just going to be a mini rant kind of thing, regarding the whole 50 Shades of Grey drivel. 

I've read one of the books I am afraid to say. To be fair, I didn't fully 'read' it, after a few chapters I got bored and just skimmed through the rest. So I don't know the full ins and outs of the plot, or where the story went after the first installment. 

When the book came out I was working in retail and I watched the book sell by the box-load. It was rather shocking to say the least. Seeing all the thirsty ladies stocking up on their future diddle material gave me the creeps, and knowing I was supplying them with it made me feel like a masturbation pimp. Wasn't exactly what I wanted as a career, but it paid well. 

What gets me, is I genuinely do not understand the attraction. It's a modern day BDSM Mills & Boons book that if rumour is right, was developed from fan fiction written about Twilight. That itself is enough to make me throw up a little in my mouth. I despise Twilight and all things Twilight related, so I should have done a little investigating before I even glanced at the damn thing.

I'm not going to go into detail about the story because everyone and their dog knows what it is about. I'm just going to mention my gripes with it. Firstly, the characters are unrealistic, hollow and I felt no sympathy for anyone. Secondly, none of the characters were even likeable so it made me uninterested in what was actually happening. Thirdly, the plot itself fell flat within the first couple of chapters. And lastly, what the hell is up with E.L James and all those descriptive words? Did she read a thesaurus moments before putting pen to paper? 

What I hate the most about 50 Shades is its uneducated look into the practice of BDSM. It gives over the impression that people who are into being 'doms' are aggressive, violent and disturbed people (who care little for their subs and are only interested in their own self gratification) whereas 'subs' are weak, powerless and just desire being controlled. This could not be further from the truth. 

This gives me a segue straight to the reason why I am writing this post. The 2002 movie, Secretary. If you ever need a realistic and arousing example of what BDSM is like, then watch this movie. The characters have more depth, are easier to relate to and overall is a more enjoyable movie. 

The story follows Lee, a young girl with severe emotional issues, and Edward Grey, a lawyer who clearly has just as many mental issues as Lee does. After seeing an ad for a secretary in the local paper, Lee goes to the building to apply for the job. As she enters the building you see the previous secretary fleeing the building in tears, with her possessions in hand. Yet Lee still pursues the job and after a rather bizarre interview, is successful and begins working for Mr Grey. 

I won't go into detail with this either, because I hate spoilers, but the clever thing with film is the way it sets everything up. With the previous secretary fleeing, you immediately assume that Mr Grey is a horrible person, or at least is a questionable one. But as everything unfolds you see that he is just as troubled and unstable as Lee. The development between the two characters is really enjoyable and watching how they both better each other is equal parts funny and heartwarming. Grey starts off as a very closed off, cold character who shows little emotion, but with Lee's help you can see him slowly opening up. And Lee started off as a meek, delicate girl who got picked up by her mother after work every day, then blossoms into a rather sexual and seductive woman. The submissive and dominate aspects of the film are more to do with personality that sexuality, and that is clear throughout the whole film.

To me, what makes this film so enjoyable is seeing how the submissive one is the one who actually has all the power. Not all dominate people what to sadistically violate and harm. And not all submissive people want to lick your shoe and call you master. BDSM relationships require A LOT of trust and respect. And that is something you do not get from 50 Shades.

I also need to give a little shout out for the performances in this film. You can take the most astounding script and destroy it with mediocre actors. So the majority of the popularity, if not all of it, has to do with the chemistry between Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader and the qualities they bring to their characters. Maggie brings to life the delicate beauty of Lee and Spader arouses (me at least) intrigue and desire with Mr Grey.

And that is why Secretary is the better movie. Who needs Christian, Mr E. Edward Grey can spank me any day.

My Top 10 Horror Movies

It is pretty difficult for me to list my favourite horrors as the list does change quite often. Usually, just by order as opposed to new titles, but sometimes something does come out and genuinely blows me away. So this technically is my CURRENT top 10 Horror Movies List. I will hopefully write more detailed individual reviews in the future. 

1. Halloween.

My current favourite. It has always been in my top 3 but, I watched this around Halloween last year - obviously - and since then I keep watching it, pretty much once a week. And I have to soundtrack on repeat on my iPod. I'm not obsessed, honest. Every time I watch this movie, I watch Halloween II straight after, so technically my No 1 movie is two movies.

2. Fright Night.

I used to class this as my favourite movie ever for a few years until Jaws usurped the throne. The soundtrack is most definitely my favourite of all time thou. Its amazing 80s cheese. This movie is the main reason I love vampires. It started it all. Jerry Dandridge will always be the sexiest vampire. Period.

3. Nightmare on Elm Street.

This was one of the first horror movies I remember seeing. I don't remember when or where, all I do remember is sitting on the stairs, watching through the door crack and seeing the scene with Nancy's mum on the bed. From then, I was hooked. Sometimes I think the 3rd movie is my favourite, but for now, its the original.

4. Psycho.

This movie is perfect. It is so cleverly directed, with what I would class as one of the most amazing and famous plot twists ever. It gets into your brain and really makes you uneasy. Pfft, who needs blood and gore when you can watch a Hitchcock masterpiece. Also, I can't help but feel for Norman, he is so innocent. 

5. The Conjuring.

It takes a lot for me to squirm at movies, and it takes a lot for new horrors to get to me but this one really got under my skin. The plot was well written, the characters were easy to relate to and all in all, a brilliant horror. James Wan knows his shit.

6. You're Next.

Such a clever movie. I know a few people who didn't really enjoy this, and to be honest, I question our friendships. This is Home Alone with crossbows with a kick ass soundtrack. I tried to find the soundtrack to download but it is unavailable. If I sound bitter..... I am. 

7. The Thing.

Every time I watch this film, I feel cold. I've no idea why, I just do. I was re-introduced to this whilst working night shifts back in 2009. I'll be honest and admit I'm not overly keen on sci-fi horrors, but there is something about this one. I get uncomfortable and nervous just thinking about it. Such a brilliant, suspenseful movie. 

8. Scream.

8. This movie is amazing. It came out when I was 13 so naturally I formed a bit of an obsession with it. It's brilliant because it pretty much mocks everything a horror movie is, and does it witch such class. Its equal parts gore and horror. Wes Craven is one of my favourite directors, and for good reason too. 

9. Children of the Corn.

Stephen King is by far my favourite author. I've been collecting his books for years. This is my favourite 'horror' short story of his (my actual favourite is Stand By Me). I watched this when I was 12 and developed an odd obsession with cornfields. A lot of people would call it mediocre, and they are not wrong. But I love it. It's a guilty pleasure movie.

10. The Exorcist.

When I was younger, my dad banned me from seeing this because he was traumatised by it as a kid. So naturally, I had to see what the hoopla was about. Back then, I thought it was hilarious, but now I appreciate it as the classic it is. Such raw content and amazing acting. In my opinion, this is one of the movies that paved the way for horrors today.