For as long as I could remember, I have never wanted children. I didn't even like kids when I was a kid. But now, I'm at that age where getting married and having children is something I need to do before I *shock horror* turn into a childless spinster. Apparently, if you are not shooting them out like a fucking log-flume, you have nothing else to live for.
Going by what I have learnt in history classes, I am proud to say that humanity has progressed well over the years. Women can now vote and get treated like people instead of possessions, people of colour can proudly live their lives without being ostracised, the LGBT community have all the rights they deserve, its 2015 and things are going pretty well..... yet I am fucking Satan because I don't want to push a 9 pound brat out of my vagina?? I thought as a species we had moved passed all that. Women have not been put on this planet for procreation, that is not our sole purpose. Why can't other people realise that. The mindless, robots spit out spiel on a daily basis, questioning and belittling me because of my choices. It's borderline peer pressure.
I personally find that completely disrespectful. I am entitled to life my life however the hell I want, and I choose to do it alone.
I have heard all the bullshit, I've listened to all the speeches given, and I've given my opinion, it just fell on deaf ears. So, the next person to harass me regarding MY choices, I'm going to direct them to this post. It's a collection of all the beautiful questions and opinions I have had to deal with over the years.
(disclaimer, if you have kids, congrats. I'm really happy for you, if that is the choice you made. I do not push my opinion onto others, I'm just reacting to people pushing theirs onto me)
(second disclaimer, I have been told that this rant is a bit 'too rude' and although I apologise if it offends, I stand by my words. I take offence when people hound me regarding my choices because they can get rather disrespectful, yet I'm not allowed to state my opinion?? These are things that have been boiling up inside for ages. I don't get this rude when questioned, I just roll my eyes and ignore them. Just fyi)
What will you do with your life?.... Work, travel, live... Who knows, there is an abundance of life experiences out there for me to have. I could travel the world or take the business world by storm. Lives don't end just because you don't have kids. If anything, lives end when you DO have kids. My sister wanted to be a fire-fighter, but that dream ended once she had my niece.
You're too young to make these decisions..... Again, I'm thirty fucking two! If I had followed the footsteps of the girls in my high school, I'd have a 16-18 year old right now. I'm old enough to buy a house, drive a car, get married, vote.... I'm sure as hell old enough to decided what I want to do with my life.
You're being selfish.... I'M being selfish?? This world is overcrowded and underfunded yet I'M being selfish because I don't want to create more unwanted mouths to feed and minds to educate? Go fuck yourself.
You're motherly instinct will kick in.... I'm pretty sure I have no motherly instinct. Apparently when a child cries, a woman is supposed to have this uncontrollable need to comfort and nurture. All I feel is contempt and frustration.
You'll end up alone/ lonely..... I love this one, my family say it a lot. Apparently if you do not have children by the time you reach a certain age you suddenly become invisible. No-one else can see you and all knowledge of you is erased from their minds forever................. please! I have a family and I have friends, however if they abandon me because of my non having children ways, I like my own company too. I'll be fine.
Kids give your life purpose and fulfil your life.... Because obviously this means if I don't make a person, I mean nothing. Parenthood is not the be all and end all of life, and if you think that way, you are really sad. There is so much in the world to do and experience, if you really think that a child is the only thing that matters, I feel really sorry for you.
There are people out there who can't have kids, you know.... I don't get this one. What do you mean, I owe them to have kids because they can't? Isn't that kinda rubbing it in their faces? They can have my eggs if they want. I would gladly donate if it would help them.
Also, just because I have the ability to create life, doesn't mean I HAVE to. There are many things I have the ability to do (rob a bank, kill a person, eat 1000 big macs in a day, jump off the golden gate bridge) doesn't mean I am going to do them too.
Why don't you adopt?.... If I were to ever have children, I would probably adopt anyway. There are far too many kids out there without families, I would rather help one or two of them than create a mini me. However saying that, adopting does not take away the fact that I do not like kids. Frame it, change the font, add a pretty picture, the sentiment is the same. Not interested.
You'll change your mind when you meet the right guy.... There is a rumour going around that women can make life decisions regardless of other people in their lives. I think it might be true. Also, what makes anyone so sure I'll meet the right 'guy'?? Whatever the case, I hope whoever I meet, they respect me for who I am and what I choose.
You'll feel different when it's your own kids.... Maybe, but considering I'm not having any, I don't see how you can know that. And having kids isn't like accidentally having a beer during a dry week. It's a full on life and body commitment, so I don't see myself ever getting to the point to put that theory to practice.
You don't know what love is until you hold a child in your arms.... I've held a pizza in my arms, and it felt pretty fucking good. If it's the same, sign me up, but I know it isn't. I've held newborns. There was love, of course, but not an undying love that changed my life. More of a.... "when this kid is older, I'm going to introduce them to all the horrors!!" I have my nieces and nephews in my life, I do not need a person of my own.
Aren't you worried about not being looked after when you are old?.... Oh, so THAT'S why you have kids? To dump on them when you are too old and frail to wipe your own arse? When I'm older, I'm sure I will still have family to support me. And if I don't, just stick me in a care home. I don't give two shits. I'll be fucking senile by then. Just tell me I was the lost member of The Nolans and leave me be.
So you hate all children then?.... As a matter of fact, no. I love some children. I love my family. My nieces and nephews mean the world to me. I may not show it all the time because I'm not exactly kid friendly, but it's true. And they adore me. I'm their Cool Aunt Becky. It's the best role because I can do it well. But those noisy fucking shits that scream in public........ yeah, I hate them. And they know it because they avoid me.
Children make a house a home... If by home you mean a complete bomb-site with fingerprints and scuff marks everywhere. Yay. I like things clean and tidy, to OCD levels. Children and OCDs never mix.
What about your parents? Don't you think they deserve grandchildren?.... They have them. I guess I am lucky because I have three sisters that are buffers for me. I am not the only one, so I do not have to 'carry on the family name', but even if I didn't, I wouldn't care. It is wrong to expect someone to do something so life changing just for you, and I know my parents are not like that. They respect me and my choice, at times. I may get the odd "hmm" but they don't hassle me like others do. Which is why I love them so.
You know it's not just what YOU want, men have choices too.... Little secret, there are men out there who don't want kids either. If I was dating someone and it got serious, I would lay all my cards on the table. I wouldn't lead a guy on, with the promise of a child in the future. I'd be completely honest.
Don't you want to leave behind a legacy.... That's what this blog is for.
I think you'd make a great mother.... How the fuck would you know? I might turn into the bitch who locks their kids under the stairs at night. You don't know for a fact I would be any good, so why say it? Don't assume I'm a good person. You don't know what someone is capable of until they do it.
If you leave it too long, you'll dry up.... These people need stabbing in the fucking face! A, that is just disgusting to say to a person, B, I could adopt if I ever changed my mind and C, go sit on a broken blender.
Labour isn't THAT bad.... It's not just the labour, however I know for a damn fact it can be fucking traumatising. It's everything you put your body though, and your life. The pregnancy, the aches and pains, the weight gain, the discomfort, the agony, the tearing, the stretching, the bleeding, more discomfort, the sleepless nights, the epic after pregnancy period, and then your life is nothing more than doting on this new person. Your life becomes a footnote, you are now a carer, you no longer exist. You are mum.
Now I have got that off my chest I will end this with one favour. Do not pity me, or I'll pity you. I'll pity the fact that you are so narrow minded that you cannot see for a second that people are allowed to have other opinions and make other choices.
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